Do you ever look around at the people passing by in the street or sitting across from you at dinner and think everyone seems to have their sh** together?!
I do. I know I’m only in my mid twenties and as everyone over 30 keeps telling me… “you’re still a baby, you have your whole life ahead of you, it only gets worse from here trust me!” *cue major side eye* but I genuinely feel like my sh** is spiralling out of control somedays.
Perhaps I’m just not able to see the order in amongst the chaos of my teen aged bedroom lifestyle, maybe if I just tidied up the room of my everyday existence like the passive aggressive parent of my conscience tells me to then everything would be fine. I’d be able to remember what I set my alarm for 5 am to get up and finish, or start, I’m not really sure because I can barely keep track of the days of the week. Like odd socks in the laundry they just don’t match.
How did Wednesday get here when I was sure it was Saturday before I went to sleep and I had a list of things to do which still haven’t been completed… did someone feed me lotus flowers? Have I been distracted by the wily ways of the daughters of Athena? My senses dulled and my over riding desire for cheese and gin taking hold.
Everywhere I look I see people getting married, creating other human beings, buying houses and I’m just sitting here watching it all with my kale crisps and cocktails muttering “hmm… ok… so this is what having your sh** together looks like is it?” It probably looks even better in real life technicolor but from the murky depths of the social ocean it seems pretty blurry and far away.
Maybe if I’m lucky evolution will skip a few hundred thousand years and I’ll develop gills so I don’t have to choke on my occasional saltiness and then I can just lie here at the bottom swimming around, weightless, free of the pressure to achieve social milestones of which I have achieved none… well one I managed was to make it through uni which ironically was when I probably had my shit together the most. How did that happen? How did university, the time when you’re entitled to be ‘shit together free’ become my only adult ‘ROLLING WITH MY SH** TOGETHER’ period of life?
Can I Get One of What She’s Having?
How did all of these people around me get their sh** together and I can barely manage to get through the day without having to press the faulty reset button on the impending anxiety attacks that crop up? I’m generally not one for wallowing but my temporary home seems to be in the rock pool of life.
- Savings? What are Thoooossseeee?
- A Relationship… Where do I find that? The Room of Requirement?
To top it off my reproductive biology has seemingly spent the last 15 years conspiring against me to wreak havoc on the shit storm that is my life drastically reducing my window of opportunity to have children and my ability to create them. Is there no mercy? Was my right ovary and fallopian tube not a great enough blood sacrifice for the Gods. Was my endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids AND uterine polyps not great enough hardship to cover the cost of repenting for the sins of my previous existence? Are the searing hot pains of pelvic inflammation and adhesion not intense enough to cleanse me from whatever great treason I committed? Must I be almost barren AND broke?
Rest. Recuperate. Rise
I’ve made a vow that this year no matter how haphazard my existence seems I will try to find clarity, to make time to find peace and to surround myself with other powerful, messy, strong and divine women because in retrospect a lot of the mess is just in my mind. Making time to clear up my mental clutter, my emotional maelstrom of a life, is vital to my success, not just in business but as a human being. As women we often take on other people’s monkeys leaving no hands free to carry, caress and nurture our own. I plan to get well acquainted with the word NO. It is freeing and powerful and we should all embrace it a little more. NO is a complete sentence it doesn’t require further explanation. We are never obliged to to do what someone asks of us if it doesn’t fit in with our schedule, our health and well-being, our morals, if it just doesn’t nest comfortably into our souls. Say NO more frequently and see how much it frees you, and helps you to re-order your sh***
Feel like you’re in the rock pool too? Let me know and maybe we can sort our sh** out together!