‘I Had a Miscarriage During The Pandemic’

Saschan Fearon  |  28th Oct 2020

October was Baby Loss Awareness Month and for many people the global pandemic has been extremely difficult as we transition to living life in a way none of us thought imaginable but for some the challenges of lockdown have been particularly taxing and deeply personal.

Each day this week we’ll be releasing a short of Tahnee’s story and the message she wants to share with others about navigating loss, coping with change and facing the challenge of losing a baby in a world which is increasingly isolated.

I had a miscarriage during the pandemic – without telling you the whole story,  I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and feeling so you can try to understand and be there for other women when then need you too.

3 things I want people to understand about miscarriages

Take as much time as you need. Anything pregnancy related cannot be trigged as part of your work sickness so TAKE TIME OUT. Your mind and body are going through a difficult time.


Just because one day people saw you out having a good time, it doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to be sad the next day. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. ITS NONE OF THIER BUSINESS HOW YOU DEAL WITH YOUR TRAUMA. Your body and mind are going through a lot. Do what you need to to do and don’t worry about anyone else. If they love and want the best for you, they will understand. “They see me smile, but the don’t know what I feel inside” Chronixx; They Don’t Know

Let me tell you what I was told and didn’t want to hear “oh it never happened to me before but I can imagine it’s hard” Ask yourself what YOUR need is to tell me it hasn’t happened to you, to put it simply my situation isn’t about you. “It’s okay you’re young you’ve got more time” Nobody really knows how much time anyone has to do anything. So don’t lie to me when I’m already feeling let down by the universe. “At least you know you can get pregnant” just stop talking if you don’t know what to say, you don’t have to always speak just be there.


3 things I needed from other people during my miscarriage

  • Literally the only thing I wanted was for this whole thing to not be real. I wanted to snap out and wake up from whatever nightmare this was. In all honesty I didn’t know it at the time but I needed a GODDAMN HUG. Multiple in fact. I need a good old, no questions asked super extra long hug.
  • Food – I ate crackers and cheese for 5 days straight and when I ran out of crackers my cousin dropped a random care package at my front door with a few bits and honestly. It’s like she knew that I needed it.
  • Support- I didn’t need people’s words of wisdom or awkward commentary on my age, my chance to try again, or reflections on their own experiences. I just needed the space and support to feel my pain, experience grief in my own way and my own time without judgement.


People are often well intentioned but as the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. It’s ok not to know what to say, it’s ok not to say anything, people often feel obliged to offer you some verbal support when you’re experiencing loss as it makes them uncomfortable to see you in pain but sometimes the right thing to say is nothing at all. Your presence is often so much more powerful and meaningful than your words.